Hi Folks! It's been a while! Hope you're all well. I have a question that I hope you all can off some Biblical counsel on. I am the mother of five children, three of them girls. The oldest is almost 16 and is hoping to attend college after her homeschooling years are spent. I don't really have a problem with this so long as she goes somewhere close to home. In other words, she would drive back and forth each day and live at home. I just feel that for our girls, they need there dad's authority over them day by day. I'm just not convinced that it is God's will for our daughters to be out on their own and to experience 'worldly independence'.

I've told the kids that girls should remain at home under the protection of their fathers until they were 'given' in marriage to their husbands by the fathers. Elizabeth asked about women who never married. I was really at a loss.

I really believe that a woman (no matter how old) should be in submission to and under the protection of either a husband or father.

But what if the dad dies and she's not married.

What does she do with her life if she never marries?

Is it wrong for a woman to have a job outside the home if she isn't married?

I really want my girls to do what's right, but sometimes things aren't so clear in the Bible. I know what it says about married women and even younger, unmarried daughters. What's right?

Thanks!

Julia

Hi! Hmmm... as a single (never married) 33 year old whose been on her own since 18, I hope you don't mind a little varied input...

I moved out of my parents' home at 18 to go to college 100 miles away. I wasn't really living for God then. I wouldn't recommend ANY Christian young adult (male or female) moving into dormitories--not even at a 'Christian' Bible college, unless the parents and pastor/elders of their church felt VERY sure that the environment was wholesome. Too much bad stuff there, even if she could get a private room.

On the other hand, it is good to have the experience of rooming with someone, learning to cooperate, realizing that not everyone believes you should keep your stuff on your side of the room (or even in cleaning the room!!), getting to know new people, and so forth. It was a good experience for me on the whole, but I still wouldn't send my kids to a dorm!

Also, even if your daughter waned to go away to college, and you would agree, she should consider whether there is a good church right there or not, and you and she and the pastor there should sit down and have a good heart to heart about what that college is like, what the girls are known for that live in the dorms and are in the sororities, whether the curriculum is very humanistic, and so forth.

If this is an option, you might consider community college. Community colleges are generally more reasonably priced, offer smaller, more conservative classes with instructors who are more available, maintain career and class counselors who are more involved in student achievement, have less peer pressure, and more mature students (not because they are all older, though some are, but because many are more conservative). Above all that, a person can go for two years and get an AA before going on to a BA or BS... so if your daughter wanted to take some time off or finish after two years, she would still have a two year degree--thats a big benefit in the long run. Most community colleges will discuss what credits transfer, as well, which is wonderful. Online classes are also available through many community colleges (they could be done from home--more in keeping with home schooling, and often self-paced).

As far as what happens to a woman if she never marries, well... I am living for God, but I own my own home, own my own car, work 50 hours a week between the church and a secular job (for now... that is not normal), have been on two foreign missions trips, and have travelled fairly extensively within the US in the past 15 years. Above that, I'm considering providing foster care to young ladies who might be uncomfortable in a two parent home due to past abuse.

I try to ask my parents their opinion on things (generally by phone--we're 600 miles apart), even though they aren't very religious. I also have an excellent pastor and good elders that I remain in submission to. I know several women whose husbands have passed away, a few whose husbands left them, their children, and several other single (never married) women who do the same. A woman doesn't have to live under the same roof with a man to be in submission to him.

Now, my soapbox: My singleness is not my choice. I would love to get married, but God just hasn't brought my life that direction. I've wept and prayed many nights, pleading with God to give me a good, godly husband, and I almost married the wrong person because people told me that I should get married and shouldn't live on my own but didn't realize I couldn't move back in with my parents (ungodly situation) and couldn't very well just go out and "catch me a man". My parents raised me to think that I would go to college, graduate, and get married by the time I was 22-24. When that didn't happen, I faced my own disappointment plus a lot of pressure from them, as well as intense pressure from friends and the world. Please don't overlook the fact that God may have other plans than marriage for your daughters, that they may need to live on their own at some point, and that if it is of God, it is a blessing, not a curse, to remain single.

I Cor 7:34 There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband. 35 And this I speak for your own profit; not that I may cast a snare upon you, but for that which is comely, and that ye may attend upon the Lord without distraction.

My youngest, a girl, is now 22 and getting married to a wonderful Godly young man in May.

When we left her at college that day, I could see the fear in my husband's eyes. He cried on the way home but you need to let them go.

I am sure you and your husband have raised them to know the Lord and pray for them without ceasing.

Now, in my suggestion, let her go...she is in God's hands. God uses life's trials to mold and shape us. How can she be shaped by Him if you want to keep her under lock and key and interfere. Don't mean to be harsh, just giving my thoughts here. Pray, pray, pray. Let Him lead her. She also needs to pray daily for wisdom, protection, and for His will to be done in her life.

God is so good. My daugther faced trials and decisions, but ohhhhhh how HE taught her to be a woman of strength for HIM.

God bless you sister

i know i'm only 15 and ya probly think "what should i know about the topic.", but i think maybe you should ask you're daughter how she feels about it.

and what if sh whants to major in somthing and ther are no collges around that have anny classes in what she wants to profession in?

and i think that when someone goes to college they start geting less dependnt on her family.

Sorry to interven in this post, but Sunny, almost no girl or boy at any teenage year have a clue what they really want out of life.

This is not a feeble attempt to insult, but the raw truth. How she feels about it could be that she wants to go to a secular college having nothing to do with the Lord.

She is in very good hands by listening to her mother on where the best places for her to attend would be, and limit it to those choices.

It sounds like she is listening to her daughter too, wit hthis comment:

The best protection for a godly woman in today's disgusting ungodly, sinful world is to either be married to a godly man, or under the protection of her family.

Lydia is a fine example who ran her own household in the NT. I think it is quite obvious she was not married, and there was no indication if this was wrong or right, but she was a godly woman.

If a woman decides that she wants to go out into the world in independence and on her own, I think she better prepare for a spiritual disaster.

You see, we can fight against the Holy Spirit, and the feminist movement is so integrated into today's society, that there are many women in rebellion. Not only against man, but mostly against God.

The fact of the matter is, is that they are fighting their conscience. It is obviously a doubt in their mind, otherwise their wouldn't be so much contention about it.

When all common sense and biblical adherance fails, all your left wit his fervent prayer.

Love in Christ,

Jim

I may not know much about life outside of high school but i do know one thing that will always work. take your daughter and your husband and go pray about it together as a family. I know your daughter would love that because being a 14 year old daughter myself, we dont know what we want and I actually am starting to find out my parents are usually...RIGHT! good luck!
Love in Christ,
Hailey