I am here to hopefully find some answers and share some personal insights into the Christian life and living for God.
I am 42, married with children, and have been a Christian for the past 16 years. I grew up in a Christian home and in church, and walked the asile at 10. However, at the age of 26 I realized that something was missing from my life, and after spending a year with many questions and few answers, I finally found that my "salvation" was not complete.
I surrenedered my life to Christ, and began to walk with Him daily. But, like many new Christians, I succumbed to the lies of satan and slowly slipped away. I spent the next 12 years in and out of God's presence.
For the past 4 years I have been on a personal journey for truth and revelation. I stood before my own church and proclaimed that I felt God calling me to serve Him in ministry, and through their support and encouragement I began to study the scriptures and learn more about what I felt called to do. I accepted the call to serve in my church as a deacon, and continued my ministry studies as well.
In 2006 I joined an online ministry and began to talk with and witness to sexual addicts, and discovered that I had been hiding my own sexual addiction for 27 years. This threw me into a tailspin, and so I have spent the last 9 months trying to understand how God could call someone like me to serve Him and have so much "garbage" hidden in my own life.
I am now utterly and totally confused about who I am and what I should be doing. I haven't been to my church in almost a year, I haven't prayed, I haven't studied, and I haven't cared until now.
To everyone that knows me I am still me, but inside I know that I am a stranger inside of my own body. I can no longer feel the presence of God in my life, nor can I hear His gentle calling. I am lost and confused.

Brother, your situation sadly is not unusual. There is much to be said, but I will only begin with two most important pieces of advice. One - start reading your Bible again with a contrite heart. Two - find a local pastor that you can trust to speak the truth and be quiet and tell him your needs. You need to be accountable to a Godly man.

I'm sure others here will be able to give you wise advice also, but we cannot do what you need the most. That is for a brother to get in your face and force you to wake up before your life is destroyed.

Thank you, sir. I am looking for such a person, but have not yet found one who speaks truthfully. (I live in a Southern Baptist community, but there are no fundamental preachers around here any more who use the KJV. Most now use either the NKJV or the NIV)
As far as reading my Bible, I have gone back to my authorized KJV recently, and am re-learning the lessons of old that I grew up on, lessons that came from a fundamental pastor who believed only in what the KJV had to say. I also am digging deeply into the Word, in search of the Truth. Yes, I let myself be swayed into believing that the "translations" were still the Word of God( I used the NKJV, NIV, ASV, and the Message) but I now believe that I have been misled. My last pastor had begun teaching from "The Message", one of the reasons why I finally broke from communion with him and my church, who has embraced him and the Word he speaks as Truth.
Am I off my rocker here, or is there anything to what I am feeling? Have I been misled by other translations and pastors? I wonder if this has been a big part of my confusion all this time.

Please, friends, help me get myself back in line. Any and all advice/ admonition is welcomed, and I will understand if anyone has harsh things to say. I have strayed far away from God, and know that I have much to do to get myself back on track.

Brother,

I will not say, "I know how you feel". I do however, have a past similar to the one you are describing.

I love you already, because you are struggling. If you were not struggling then you would be hopeless. Because I love you, I am going to say some things that are going to sound harsh, but it is the truth, as it had to be said to me to get me to wake up.

Stop letting you laziness dictate your walk with God. Just because you don't "feel" like doing something (i.e. going to church, praying, etc.) doesn't give you the right to stop. You are God's child and you have a responsibility to Him. Can you excusably tell the one who loves you so much, that he DIED for you that you don't feel like you are loved, so your not going to fulfill your responsibilty to Him?

Paris Reidhead realized one day God saying to him (he was an african missionary) "Don't I deserve the reward for my suffering? Don't I deserve the ones for whom I died?"

Robert, when we truly begin to have a conception of who GOD is, it reverses and changes all of the humanism that incorporates into our mind to change our view of Him.

To KNOW God, you MUST read His Word! There is no other way to know Him.

Now, that being said, put away your inhibitions you have about doing what you know to be right. You would be amazed at how the Lord Jesus Christ will clear your mind back to the fundamentals, when you get back to doing the following:

1) Read the bible EVERY day, no matter what. No, not only read, but meditate therein.
2) Pray fervently, plead with God.
3) GET BACK IN CHURCH

Do these things brother. You will not come up empty handed.

Do you know what another problem you have is? You have a sin issue. You have a lust in your heart, that spiritually you want to get rid of, but your flesh seems so powerful and desires it so much, it almost invariably wins every time and you DONT WANT TO GIVE THAT UP! I know, I fight that same issue everyday, and by the GRACE OF GOD alone I fight it.

There are verses I quote to myself almost everyday:

Is 26:3
Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee.
26:4
Trust ye in the LORD for ever: for in the LORD JEHOVAH is everlasting strength:


Pr 16:3
Commit thy works unto the LORD, and thy thoughts shall be established.

2 Tim 1:7
For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

And my personal favorite:

2 Cor. 10:5
Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;


Our obedience to Jesus Christ, no matter how we feel, is paramount. LIke a child obeys his parents, we obey the Lord, not because we want to , but because we know it is right to do.

Remember, when we come upon something we really don't want to do, most of the time, you feel great for doing it.

I hope this helps brother. Thank you for your plea, it humbles me, and has made me relook at my life.

Love in Christ Jesus our Lord and Saviour,

Jim

This post was last modified: Tue May 20, 2008 08:49 PM by Jim.

Brother Jim, thank you for your words. I surely understand what you are saying, and have taken these words to heart.
You are right.........it is laziness that has held me back for so long. Laziness and an unwillingness to fight for what I know in my heart to be right.
The lust that you speak of is very real, and very much hinders my walk. Not only with God, but with my wife and family. They are aware of the years of struggling with sexual sin and lust I have lived through (now 30), but I alone bear this burden inside. Shame and guilt have held me back from sharing this burden. And even though I felt that I had surrendered all to God, I now realize that I have never truly let go of the lust in my flesh and in my heart. What hurts the most is that I spent many months talking to and witnessing to others who also struggle with this, only to walk away when I thought that I had "beaten" it. What a fool I have been!

Brother, thank you for speaking truthfully and honestly. I hope that we can continue to talk about this as I start the long journey home.

I will be here whenever you need to talk.

Wel,, I am leaving for Montana for a two week hiking/camping trip with my dad and brother, but I will be here as much as I can.

Love in Christ,

Jim

Robert, have you made any progress in finding another person in your area with whom to share your situation?

It would be worth it to spend some time searching a broad area around you for a good church.

May God bless you, Brother!

Yes, brother, we have found a local congregation to meet with and a pastor who is fundamental and a man with whom I can both share and learn from. We already have spoken, and have plans to meet on a regular basis. I feel that he is a man of knowledge and is someone in whom I can trust to help me understand God's plan for my life.

Thank you for checking on me, brother. I do appreciate it greatly!

I want to say that I am so excited and happy to be here and to share in these discussions.
The past week has been a time of renewal and rediscovery of my purpose in life, and through it all I have had the passion for God's Holy Word re-ignited within my heart!

I pray that I can uphold and live the message of 2 Timothy 2:15

Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.

I thank all of you for having me here and welcoming me, and I am looking forward to discussing God's Holy Word!

I must say that I am not only pleased to have you with us I am very pleased you have found a Church and a Pastor you can trust and work with. I believe you will find it a tremendous blessing.

In Christ,
George

I second George's comments. Amen!

Brother RobNC1966.

God bless you my Brother in the Lord Jesus Christ.We all have been beat over the head by the devils thoughts planted in our minds of condemnation and your story sounds much like mine.It reminds me of St Paul`s struggle`s .


Romans 7:15.KJB

[15]For that which I do I Allow Not:For what I would,That Do I Not;But What I Hate,That Do I.

The phrase "For that which I do I Allow Not"presents not the words of an unsaved man,but rather a Believer who is trying and failing.

David in many of the Psalm`s cried out for mercy at times and praised God for victory at times ect.

What a wonderful Saviour we have Brother RobNC1966.

In Christ.

Brother Miller.

Good Scripture Bro Miller, good scripture indeed....describes EVERY single one of us. Any man that says he does not struggle with his flesh is most likely in reprobate sin and either does not see it or refuses to see it.

Love in Christ,

Jim